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Laugh Like Pee-wee (2018)
Laugh Like Pee-wee 2018 was the ninth installment of the annual Laugh Like Pee-wee event, held on January 28, 2018. The show was highlighted by the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match, The Shark defending the World Heavyweight Championship, and Chance taking on Brock Lesnar for the #30 spot in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. __TOC__ Background It's the most over-the-top match of the year, and the stage has been set to make this year's Laugh Like Pee-wee the most wild of them all. We've seen Chance and his VIP Section wage war against the returning Brock Lesnar for the coveted number 30 spot, a number that has shown its importance by producing two former winners. On the subject of the number two, DEFAULT won his qualifying match against Money in the Bank holder The Red Head in the hopes that he can go from history's only two-time winner to the only three-time winner of the match. Likewise, J-Pac defeated Drew Thunder to enter the fray with the goal of using his victory to push back against what he perceives as personal bias against him from Commissioner Barkley. Of course the annual spectacular is also synonymous with opportunity, and that's exactly what Arrested Developmental's Bubba Ray claimed when he won a battle royal at Developmental Hell 45 to earn his spot. On top of that, this year's match saw the first-ever fan voted entrant included and the people have spoken in order to place Mr. Dink in the 30-entrant pool. As important as winning the match is, some will enter will other goals in mind, including "Macho Man" Randy Savage. The Mullet Club member has vowed that if he and Chris Jericho cross paths that he will send him packing for what he did to him at Dr. Meinheimer. Tensions are mounting and the battlefield is growing by the day. That field includes numerous champions, as well as Pee-wee record holders such as Wing or Big Show. And while history has been favorable to many of the match's veterans, it's also proven that it's best to always expect the unexpected. It only happens once a year, and the winner earns a first-class ticket to the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XIV! At Dr. Meinheimer, Dynamite Derek became the sole survivor of his team against J-Pac's. As a result, he would earn his long sought-after shot at redemption against the man who has beaten him twice in World Title matches: The Shark. Of course not everyone was as thrilled as the challenger. One of Dynamite's teammates, Drew Thunder, wasn't as thrilled. Had he and/or DEFAULT survived the match, they would receive a future opportunity at the gold. To put the Master of Drew-Jitsu's mind at ease, Commissioner Barkley announced that he would face J-Pac in a Laugh Like Pee-wee qualifying match within the coming weeks, as would DEFAULT against Money in the Bank holder The Red Head. Another man who wasn't thrilled with Dynamite Derek's shot at the gold was Walter P. Wiley, The Shark's manager. Recovering from having a casket dropped on him by The Undertaker, Walter claimed that he would not be able to represent the World Heavyweight Champion to the best of his abilities at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Therefore, he was calling off the match altogether. Commissioner Barkley listened to Walter, and agreed that if he was physically unable to fulfill his managerial duties then he would be granted sabbatical to heal up. While Walter was elated to receive the news, his mood quickly changed when Barkley informed him that The Shark would still be defending the title against Dynamite Derek. Walter's continued protesting led Barkley to inquire if he wasn't actually as hurt as he claimed, because if he found out he was lying it might make him consider stripping The Shark of the title instead. The news that Walter would not be accompanying him at Laugh Like Pee-wee sent The Shark into a tailspin of destruction. The sadistic sea-beast rampaged through SvR06's head offices, destroying everything in his path. That was until he came face-to-face with Dynamite Derek, who has displayed a more animalistic intensity of his own since the two last met. Dynamite fought back against the vicious Shark, driving him to retreat for the time being. The last two times they squared off one-on-one, The Shark dominated Dynamite Derek and left with the gold around his waist. Could the tides turn in Dynamite's favor this time around? As The Undertaker was potentially closing in on becoming the World Heavyweight Champion, he was assaulted and buried alive by The Kingpin. When asked to explain his unprovoked attack, he suggested that he knows without any doubt that Kane was the one who blew up Ricardo Diaz's car and that Kane has shown in the past that he answers to The Undertaker. With that in mind, Fisk claimed that he had to bury his longtime friend and that he wanted The Deadman to know that same anguish. Believing his troubles were now behind him, Kingpin refocused his attention once more on winning his first World Heavyweight Championship in memory of Diaz and looked to the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match as his golden opportunity. During his qualifying bout against Big Show, a seemingly-supernatural disturbance caused the arena's power and lighting to malfunction, with the message "The dead will rise" to flash upon the tron for a fleeting moment. When the lights returned, Big Show landed a massive fist on his opponent that allowed him to pick up the win and qualify for the over-the-top-rope contest. Although he continued to assert that The Undertaker had truly perished at Dr. Meinheimer, The Kingpin could only ignore the foreboding messages for so long. Fisk noted that if putting him in the ground wasn't enough, he would be happy to finish the job he started at Laugh Like Pee-wee. If The Undertaker is truly the one behind the ominous warnings, The Kingpin might be best advised to learn The Phenom's secret behind his uncanny ability to cheat death for his own protection from the Grim Reaper. At Dr. Meinheimer, Ben Unhinged bested Chance by pinning him twice to win back the Intercontinental Championship. At the same event, Nateflix earned an opportunity at the title with help from his SPOOK cohorts. This rematch from the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest X was declared by SPOOK leader Lita to be the first steps in their global conquest. In the weeks leading up to the match, Ben Unhinged called Nateflix to the ring. When he met the champion, he was joined by Lita, Winslow, and Sheik as well. Ben noted that he only called out the challenger for his title, not the rest of the goon squad. However, Lita told him that anything he has to say to Nateflix had to go through her first. Ben reminded Nateflix that they used to pull a lot of great jokes when they were The Pranksters, but now the only joke is him. At Lita's orders, Winslow and Sheik pounced the champion but Nateflix resisted. Later, Nateflix informed Lita and SPOOK that he'd appreciate their help under any other circumstances but that he needed to go it alone this time. In spite of their protesting, Nateflix declared that he didn't want to see a single one of them get involved in his title match no matter what. SPOOK's Number 1-A seems confident enough to get the job done alone at Laugh Like Pee-wee, but if he wants to become Intercontinental Champion he'll have to change his game plan from the last time he went one-on-one with Ben Unhinged. In a surprising move, The Hurricane allowed Just Christian to be eliminated from their team at Dr. Meinheimer before securing a Cruiserweight Championship opportunity for himself alone. While Just Christian is no stranger to disappointment, he couldn't help but feel personally betrayed by the masked hero. The Hurricane informed him that there was no malice intended, and that he made a split-second decision to ensure that at least one of them earned the title shot. The reigning champion Daivari interjected, stunned by what he was hearing. He told Just Christian that he knew he was pathetic, but that he didn't know he was so gullible. He suggested that if Just Christian had a brain in his head he would align with him rather than being the doormat of the entire cruiserweight division. The Hurricane stuck up for the belittled Christian, while informing the champion that the division needs a hero to save it from people like Daivari. While the Crown Prince of the Cruiserweights continued to declare that he was going to unmask his challenger for the fraud that he is at Laugh Like Pee-wee, The Hurricane suggested to Just Christian that he should be in his corner during the title match to really stick it to Daivari. Both the champion and challenger have attempted to sway Just Christian to their side. The entire dynamic of the Cruiserweight Championship match could shift drastically depending on whose corner Just Christian chooses to stand in, if he decides to do so at all. Results *Chance was hidden underneath the ring and didn't officially enter until all other entrants had been eliminated. *Chavo Guerrero was originally scheduled to enter the match, but was replaced at the last minute due to illness. Over the top. Three simple words than can mean so much. In the case of Laugh Like Pee-wee, it describes the wild ride that kicks off the most important season of the year for the roster of SvR06. An event where one lucky individual will be catapulted into superstardom at the expense of 29 other hopefuls. And it’s over the top where those 29 individuals will go sailing to leave one final gladiator heading to the biggest match of their life. Two of those individuals with the dream of main eventing Diaz’s Fuck Fest XIV kicked off the event in a bout for the coveted number 30 spot in the over-the-top-rope contest. Chance managed to get an early advantage over his opponent, the returning Brock Lesnar, days prior when he baited him into being blind-sided by Mark Jindrak and Batista. However, this ruse may have only enraged the untamed beast as he came out of the box like a house of fire once the bell had rung. Chance attempted to fight back to the best of his ability, but it was Lesnar who quickly secured the final entry into the Laugh Like Pee-wee match after a devastating F5 that left Chance in need of being assisted from the ring. In a backstage interview, Ben Unhinged was asked about Nateflix requesting not to see any of his fellow members of SPOOK at ringside for their Intercontinental Championship match. The Unhinged One declared that regardless of what happens, it’ll take more than SPOOK to take the title away from him. The following contest was held for the Cruiserweight Championship, with defending champion Daivari putting the title on the line against The Hurricane. After the caped crusader earned his opportunity at the expense of his ally Just Christian, many questioned whether he would get involved with the match-up as well as who he would align with if he did. The question was answered when the referee was temporarily incapacitated, and the Crown Prince of the Cruiserweights made his way for a steel chair. At this point, Just Christian saved The Hurricane from coming face-to-face with the unforgiving steel. However, once in his hands, The Hurricane used the chair to wallop Daivari instead and planted his opponent with an Eye of the Hurricane just in the time for the referee to recover and declare him the new champion. Just Christian appeared conflicted, but allowed The Hurricane to have his victory for now. For the first time since closing out Diaz’s Fuck Fest X, Ben Unhinged and Nateflix stood toe-to-toe. With so much storied history, it was apparent why Nateflix wanted to keep things between the two of them. SPOOK’s Number 1-A zoned in on the lower back of his opponent early on, returning to it as the match progressed. However, nothing in his arsenal seemed to be enough to keep the defending champion down for the three count. As Ben Unhinged mounted a comeback against the challenger, the lights in the arena lowered and the two were left in pitch black. When the lights returned, Nateflix was standing over a battered Ben Unhinged. However, instead of going for the cover, Nateflix pivoted and left the arena without looking back. In the locker room area, Spike Dudley and Bubba Ray shared a brief family reunion, with the elder brother admitting no regret in disowning the Dudley name. Spike admitted that while he’s moved on since their falling out, he won’t hesitate to toss Bubba over the top rope tonight. Looking to avenge the loss of his partner in crime once and for all, The Kingpin entered the ring to do battle with the ominous Undertaker. The Phenom had haunted Fisk for weeks with the message that the dead will rise at Laugh Like Pee-wee, and he proved just that by showing that it would take much more than six feet of dirt to keep him underground. While The Deadman was unmatched in his striking ability, it was hard for even him to overcome the size and strength advantage of the colossal crimelord. As Kingpin prepared to put the final nail in the coffin of The Undertaker with The Blast, a familiar tune flooded the arena as Ricardo Diaz stepped through the curtain. The King of Coke sprinted to the ring, coming face to face with both his longtime partner and the reaper who Fisk had accused of being responsible for his apparent demise. As time seemed to stand still, Diaz resumed the action by distracting Undertaker for Kingpin to take advantage. Although Diaz had attempted to assist him, Kingpin couldn’t help but take his eyes off his resurrected partner. This preoccupation allowed Undertaker to hoist The Kingpin up for a devastating Tombstone Piledriver to secure the victory for The Deadman. In his previous championship bouts with The Shark, Dynamite Derek acquired a more grizzled, animalistic nature that had been previously unseen in the tenacious competitor. Now, many months since the two last faced off one-on-one, Dynamite Derek looked to become the first man to pin The Shark and once again become the World Heavyweight Champion. While the jagged maw of the champion tore away at the flesh of the resilient challenger, Dynamite battled back through the agony and eventually managed to drive the massive Shark through an announce desk with a DKO. Dynamite returned to the ring to regroup, but while his back was turned, The Red Head appeared at ringside with his Money in the Bank briefcase. Now a Triple Threat match, the figure from Dynamite’s past quickly rolled him up to become the new World Heavyweight Champion. After multiple opponents gave their thoughts on the upcoming main event, it was time to find out who the first entrant was in this year’s over-the-top Laugh Like Pee-wee match. The revelation came as a shock to everyone, as surprise entrant Goldberg entered his very first Laugh Like Pee-wee. The man with the unfortunate disadvantage of entering second was Chance. However, while his music cued his appearance, Chance never entered the ring to compete. The match rolled on in his absence, with Batista entering at number three. The two behemoths squared off like two raging bulls before they were joined by another surprise in the form of the human suplex machine, Tazz. Many more Fest hopefuls joined the fray, including the likes of other unannounced entrants like Mr. Ass, British Bulldog, and even Imposter Val Venis. While many came and went, Goldberg managed to keep his feet planted firmly in the ring. As the ring continued to fill, all heads turned to the ramp when it appeared as though everyone would be joined by Kane. Instead, they were met by Kane 2, who was quickly eliminated by Wing. Immediately after, attention was once again diverted as Corporate Paul joined the fray. Unfortunately, he met the exact same fate that Kane 2 had moments prior. In a fitting trifecta, the next entrant was none other than Patriotic Paul, who refused to be removed as easily as his predecessors. Due to Chavo Guerrero’s sudden and unexplained illness, Funaki stepped in on his behalf. Fan-voted entrant Mr. Dink joined the action late in the game, and was quickly ganged up on by the duo of Mark Jindrak and Rob Conway. Big Show’s addition provided a save for the Bluffington native, but Mr. Dink reminded the giant that there are no friends in Laugh Like Pee-wee when he swiftly eliminated the seven-footer in a shocking turn of events. Once Brock Lesnar entered in the final spot, the field of competition began to whittle down until there was nobody left but Lesnar, Macho Man, Rob Conway, and Goldberg. As entrants number one and number thirty locked eyes, Savage and Conway interjected. Unfortunately for them, it wasn’t long after that they both found themselves on the floor. The first and last entrants locked horns, only one of them able to go to the Fest. Once he had his opening, Goldberg nearly split Lesnar in two with a spear out of the corner. While it seemed The Beast was down and out, Lesnar countered with a spear of his own as well as a flurry of hard strikes. Lesnar hoisted up his opponent up to propel over the top rope when Goldberg fired back with yet another spear. Both now back on their feet, the two battle-worn warriors charged at each other for a final time. Only this time, Goldberg used his momentum to send Lesnar flying over the top rope and to the floor. Goldberg celebrated this monumental victory, becoming the first competitor to ever start a Laugh Like Pee-wee match and win the whole thing. While Goldberg collected his bearings before the applauding crowd, number two entrant Chance crawled out from underneath the ring and dumped the number one entrant over the top. With everyone left in disbelief, Chance had his armed raised in victory before the previously-elated crowd with an opportunity for the World Heavyweight Championship at Diaz’s Fuck Fest XIV in his grasp.